Early Phoenix Gets the Worm
by batman100
Summary: Just a typical crazy morning at the X-Mansion, filled with wild shenanigans, jokes, food rummaging, and driving the rest of the X-Gang bananas.
1. Chapter 1

**Early Phoenix Gets the Worm**

"mmm…oh yes Scott, ooh." Jean mumbled in her sleep as she fantasized of kissing Scott, only to touch soft blue fur. Soft blue fur?

"Hi." Kurt said sheepishly

Jean's eyes bugged out when she saw him "AAAARRGH! KURT! GET OUTTA MY BEDROOM!" She hissed, swatting him with her pillow

"Sorry! Didn't know you were kissing Scott!" Kurt replied

"I was…oh god, don't tell me I…" Jean stuttered

"Yep." Kurt answered, hinting at Jean's lipstick marks on Kurt's cheek

"GAAAHH!" Jean shrieked hysterically, running for the restroom and using mouthwash madly

"What the hell's going on here? Do you guys have **any** idea what time it is?" Scott yawned, rubbing his eyes as an even more tired Emma followed

"Jean? What are you doing with the mouthwash?" Emma asked sleepily

"Oh god, oh god," Jean muttered insanely

"Will **someone** please tell me what in the Sam Hill's going on?" Scott hissed before Emma clamped her hand over his mouth

"Scott! You'll wake the neighbors!" Emma whispered

"Well, Jean was dreaming, so I came to visit, and well…Jean kissed me." Kurt answered

"Thanks a **lot**! You just cannot keep your mouth shut, can you?!" Jean grumbled, foam dripping out of her mouth

"Jean! Would you and Kurt please for goodness sakes discuss this in the morning? Let's try to get some sleep, let this incident be water over the bridge" Emma said peacefully

"You meant water **under** the bridge." Bobby corrected loudly

"Bobby, zip it!" Jean hissed

Later that evening…

"Ugh…please let it be morning…" Scott moaned, sleepless and insomniac as Emma snored peacefully

"Little pink bunnies…" Emma whispered in her sleep

"What?!" Scott asked astounded before Emma snored again

"Ask a stupid question." Scott muttered before settling down and hearing Emma snore again, this time louder

"Emma? Honey, you think maybe you can turn down the volume?" Scott asked lovingly

"Mmm…five more minutes, Scott…" Emma replied, half-asleep

"Ah geez." Scott groaned, getting up and heading for the kitchen

Scott looked through the front of the mansion to see if the coast was clear. Then he quietly slid down the staircase bannister before connecting with the front

"Ouch! My foot!" Scott winced, hopping on one foot, hearing the neighborhood dog doing his usual yapping routine

"Remind me to ask Logan to at least feed it…" Scott mumbled, entering the kitchen

One minute later…

"…Easter bunnies jumping over the fence." Emma muttered in her sleep, as Scott gently stroked her blonde hair before leaving a plate of Danish, grapefruit and a cup of coffee on her desk

"Kurt? Kurt, wake up." Jean hissed, as she heard the fridge door open

"Mmmm…Jean it's only three in the morning." Kurt mumbled

"Fine. I'll see what's the problem." Jean moaned, getting up and heading downstairs

"Where the heck's Peter?" Rogue asked sheepishly

"What's up now, Rogue?" Jean asked in mid-yawn

"I fell out of bed. No great wall of Colossus to catch me." Rogue answered sarcastically before heading down with Jean

"Uggh…so sleepy." Jean yawned before settling down on the velvet couch before snoring again

"Scoot over, will ya?" Rogue asked, trying to squeeze in

"Be my guest." Jean muttered sleepily

Meanwhile…

"Mm-mm! These Doritos really do hit the spot!" Scott replied as he and Peter were conveniently seated in his bachelor pad watching ESPN

"Donuts?" Peter asked, handing Scott a glazed donut

"You read my mind." Scott grinned, digging in as the two laughed in amusement and clinked their cans of Canada Dry ginger ale

Later that same morning…

"How cute! Breakfast in bed!" Emma replied cheerfully, munching on her Danish

"And with the daily paper." Remy replied, handing Emma the latest edition of the Daily Bugle

"Thank you." Emma replied with a bright smile

"Would you be so kind to get me some tea?" Emma asked politely

"My pleasure ma'am." Remy answered, with a polite bow


	2. Chapter 2

**Phoenix Insomniac**

It was a cold brisk Sunday afternoon at the X-Mansion, and everything was energetic and beautiful

"Uggh…" Jean moaned

Well, almost everything…

"Jean still has that insomnia thing? Huh, I thought that was temporary." Lance noted, observing Jean's restless state on the security camera in the central control office with Scott, Kurt, Tabitha and Peter in tow

"Just how in the heck does she get like this anyway? That's been on my mind ever since that fiasco at Las Vegas in the last story." Kurt piped up

"You still remember that? All **I** ever heard was a loud animalistic roar, some people either cheering wildly or running for cover, and I distinctly recall Remy making a rather crazy parking spot in the slot machine area, nearly running over poor Jean in the process!" Tabitha ranted

"How'd you notice all of a sudden? All you did during the trip was snooze, eat, drink caffeine twenty-four/seven, oh and also using up all the hot water." Rogue remarked

"Hey, cmon now! Even my time bombs need refueling now and then with some hot water!" Tabitha snapped

"She has a point." Peter commented as Scott watched the scene

"I mean seriously, Rogue, what else did you want me to do? Use sun block on my skin instead? That'd be doing something out of them crazy survival reality shows, for cryin out loud!" Tabitha ranted

"Oh boy, I can see where **this** is going…" Rogue rolled her eyes in boredom

"Tell me about it. It's kinda funny, you know." Scott snickered, with a goofy look on his face

"You've been around with Bobby too long, bub. Keep it up and maybe that so-called hot blooded visor may start turning ice blue…if you get my drift." Logan grunted

"Be that as it may, might we focus on Jean rather than continue this senseless debate? It's making my brain scramble. And I don't mean like a pinball machine!" Rogue blubbered insanely

"Since when did **you** become a pinball historian?" Kurt asked observingly

"Do brains look and taste like bubble gum?" Rogue snapped sarcastically

"Ask a stupid question…" Scott groaned, slapping his forehead

"Reindeers on the pool hole! This missile will conflagrate in seven decimeters!" Jean babbled, as she stumbled into the office, looking bleary and with bloodshot eyes

"Ok, remind me again **why** did I let Jean be in charge of the X-Mansion again?" Scott asked

"You're asking **me**?!" Logan grouched, watching Jean's delirious state

"Uggh…wanna feel high…high up in the air…"Jean rambled insanely

"Does the words 'Do Not do Drugs' mean **anything** in that clouded up brain of yours?!" Rogue grouched

"Who are you?" Jean asked dazedly

"Oh great. First Jean loses sleep, **now** she's completely lost her marbles. What's next: She digs up the Titanic?!" Rogue grumbled

"Now Rogue; Jean is in an inebriated state, but the chances of sobriety are useful. We have to wait before she regains function." Scott noted

"What's inebriate? Isn't that like an invertebrate?" Jean asked, with a goofy confused look

"This may take a lot of work…" Peter groaned

"Oh come on, what can go wrong?" Scott asked rhetorically

One minute later…

"You just **can't** keep your mouth shut, cant you?" Logan barked as the X-Gang watched Jean slumber on the couch, her body slouched on the top and the bottom half

"How much tranquilizers did you use to keep Ms. Astro Nut in snooze mode?" Rogue asked

"Forty." Forge answered

"Oh you've got to be joking: Since when the bloody hell do you use forty lousy darts against Jean, who's acting like a character out of Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas!" Rogue snapped

"I loved that movie." Scott replied, having that goofy look again

"Stow it cyke." Logan grumbled

"Urrgh…must jump over the hill…Alderaan…need the Dagobah system…" Jean mumbled in her sleep

"What the hell is she blubbering about?!" Rogue barked

"Oh we were watching Star Wars while on our Caribbean cruise." Scott answered

"That's a bad idea." Logan commented, noting Jean's unusual dreams

"Darth Vader….Tatooine…ugh….large banthas…urgh…must destroy…Death Star." Jean mumbled, tossing and turning

"Ok that's it!" Rogue grumbled, walking over to Jean

"What are you doing?!" Scott asked

"Getting the darts out of the system." Rogue commented, carefully removing the tranq darts out from Jean's body

Two minutes later…

"Ah! Operation successful!" Scott boasted, as the X-Gang watched Jean sleep, now more comfortably

"How in the heck did you get all them surgical strategies?" Lance asked in astonishment

"Oh, I took that Mutant Surgeon 101 class with Hank last week. It was pretty interesting. And fun." Scott answered

"Well at least the insomnia craziness is over." Rogue remarked, stroking Jean's hair while she lightly snored

"Say, where the hell's Logan?" Kurt asked, looking around

"Death Star operational! Commence destruction of Alderaan!" Logan babbled, stumbling over the hardwood floor

"Here we go again…" Scott groaned, shooting tranq darts at Logan


	3. Chapter 3

**Jean's Day Off**

"So…Scott and Remy are at an arcade convention, Bobby and Peter are at the golf course, Kitty, Kurt and Tabitha are at the dentist, Logan's out skeet shooting with Lance, Pyro and Evan are skating at the skate rink with Ororo, Hank, Ray and Roberto and Rogue is out camping with Emma, Lorna and Jubilee…So I have the whole house to myself! Whoopee!" Jean cheered, thrilled that she had the long-awaited day off from field work

"So what to do, what to do?" Jean asked herself, pacing back and forth on the carpet "I know! I could finally catch up on Days of our Lives!" She piped up, racing into the kitchen…and after piling a bowl of chips and several 2-can packs of soda, plopped on the couch and switched on the TV

"Home sweet home…" Jean said happily before settling down and snoring

Meanwhile…

"Let me see if I got this straight: You let Jean guard the mansion while we're out here?!" Remy asked Scott in shock, aware of Scott's crazy idea

"Well, she seems responsible enough, and I **did** tell her not to overdo it on the caffeine like **last time**, so nothing can go wrong." Scott finished, making his statement precise

"Do you have **any** idea what Jean can possibly be doing through that visor of yours, bud?! Jean may be responsible, but I'm telling ya for a fact, with her calling the shots at the mansion…you never know **what** will happen." Remy noted

"Dude, you worry too much, you know that? What could happen?" Scott asked rhetorically

Back at the mansion…

"PARTY!" Jean hollered as she and several teenage mutant girls were rocking it out at the mansion, feasting on a mountainload of fast food and drinks galore. Jean herself was, of course, chugging a large liter bottle of Pepsi in less than sixty seconds

"CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG!" The crowd chanted

Jean eventually gulped it down and roared victoriously, the crowd went wild

"Hey Red, want a hit of this?" A teenage man asked, handing Jean a hookah pipe

"You read my mind." Jean slurred, her brain clogged with caffeine chemicals

Jean did not even notice the several hundred missed phone calls on her cell phone, nor did she notice that those particular calls were from the X-Men.

Elsewhere, in a mountain cabin…

"Scott! You better come see this: It's about Jean!" Lance hollered urgently as he and the X-Gang were crowded around the TV area

"Reports from local Bayville citizens confirm a riotous party going on in the Xavier estate five hours ago. Witnesses claim that Bayville school teacher and mutant Jean Grey may have been the one in charge of the chaos. Witnesses also state that Jean's caffeine level was above fifty-two point three. Whether her sobriety may come into figure remains unknown. Christine Everhart, New York News." The reporter said, finishing the update, leaving the X-Men in shock

"How in the hell did this happen?!" Scott shouted

"Scott…take it easy now mate. She didn't know what she was doing." Logan said calmly

"The hell she didn't! Remy…you were right. I should've listened to you. Poor Jean. She's probably cold, confused, sick. I know what to do. We gotta get back there and help her." Scott ordered proudly

"Aye sir." Logan complied

The next morning at the mansion…

"Ugh…my head. How much…what the hell happened last night?" Jean asked groggily before she saw the evidence. "Oh darn it. Scott's not gonna like this." Jean moaned, before trying to get up…only to collapse back on the couch

"Uh…so…sober…" Jean groaned before snoring again, not noticing the front door opening

"Mein gott." Kurt gasped, astonished at the mess

"Well Scott, what do we do now that Red's sobering up?" Logan asked grimly as Scott gently stroked Jean's hair as she slept

"First things first: Let Jean sober up." Scott ordered, placing a blanket on top of her

"Do you think we'll let her do this job again?" Kurt asked hopefully

Scott smiled and placed his hand on Kurt's shoulder "Of course, buddy. Of course."


End file.
